Nevada Scandalmonger

Leaving North Las Vegas–Or Is it Titanic, Nevada?

Nevada Scandalmonger — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 05:08:48 +0000

Cross-posted from Nor’Town:
For more time than I like to think about, the old Monger has been struggling in Nevada’s crappy economy. This period is apparently now at an end. I have accepted a job out of state and will be leaving the future site of unincorporated Clark County called Titanic, Nevada–formerly known as North Las Vegas–currently in the incompetent hands of a city council packed with police-union stooges and a mayor who sold out the future of Norftown to greedy developers pushing a Ponzi scheme of mindless growth wherein the non-existence denizens of Park Highlands would pay for the new City Hall and the Midge Manufacturing Plant out near Nellis.

So, in what is most likely my last act of un-civic duty to the city whose bankruptcy has been postponed six months by meager concessions from the union which is in bed with mayor and thus knows it never has to make a concession, let me make a suggestion.

Get rid of Mayor Buck but in a way that has a slight chance of succeeding. Yes, recalls are very entertaining, but they seldom work and only distract from the main method we use for selecting our officials: elections. Guys, the mayoral election is less than two years away, and you know what? A plausible campaign against Buck may already be too late. It takes a good four years to rev up a campaign in these parts, and you’ve already wasted two. Nonetheless, if all of you who are tired of the Buck-Montandon school of minimal urban planning really want to do something, you would unite behind a strong candidate for the 2013 elections. Don’t waste energy on recall petitions, you will have plenty of work trying to beat the Dan Hart/Police Union election machine.

Or, you can cross your fingers that Buck will again get the itch to run for the County Commission or some higher office, a not unlikely possibility given that everybody else in Nor’Town is running for Congress.

But, uncharacteristically setting snarkiness aside, I hope I will find the following in Norftown should I return in ten years or so.

A thriving national monument for the Tule Springs fossil beds where young Nor’Townies discover that the history of North Las Vegas did not begin with the creation of the El Dorado subdivision.
A city of intelligent citizens actively engaged in the political life of North Las Vegas, where one faction can no longer gain a strangle hold on the community
A research park springing from the ashes of CSN and UNLV to which brainiacs immigrate by the thousands bringing exciting, challenging, environmentally friendly, and multifarious work to town.
A place that folks will choose to live in, no merely because it’s cheaper than Henderson.

Failing that, the only advice I can offer is: mimic the Monger and get out of town, and let your mortgage company sort out the dead.

University of Nevada At Kevlar: Fashion Special

Nevada Scandalmonger — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 19:45:53 +0000

Just in time of the Fall semester, Professor-Doctor Michael Green has agreed, without any knowledge on his part, to model the latest campus fashions for the Prof on the go!!
Selected specifically for the scrupulous scholastic, these fashions are trendy and timely: designed for the noetic Nevadan facing the challenges of the new law allowing guns in the classroom!

From left to right, Professor Green is shown wearing the “Moritz Schlick” full body armor–ready for that student who gets an “F” on the test and celebrates the event by getting hopped up on binge drinking and the latest designer drugs!

Next, Herr Docktor Mike sports the “Unabomber” special, guaranteed to stop the 50-cal bullet of a Luddite terrorist or money promptly refunded!

Finally, to the right we find Professor Green wearing the Robert Downey Jr. Ironman Special! Rocket boots allows the imperiled professor to jet away from rioting students! Laser weapons and plasma guns will put an end to unwanted classroom chatter in a jiffy! (Hair-styling, sun glasses, and beard not included.)

Although there is no doubt that the good Professor would love that Ironman Special, unfortunately due to budget cuts agreed to in the budget deal, he’ll just have to get by with the official body armor of the Nevada System of Higher Education, shown to the left.

However, thanks to the new law, he’ll be able to carry his own musket!

Will the Supreme Court Ruling Make a Difference?

Nevada Scandalmonger — Sun, 29 May 2011 04:58:26 +0000

Everybody’s wondering if that Nevada Supreme Court Ruling is a game changer. I say: maybe a little.

What the Devil is Going On At Them Secret Joe Heck Revival Meetings?

Nevada Scandalmonger — Sun, 22 May 2011 00:04:43 +0000

Apparently Nevada Congressman Joe Heck (R-Pending Redistricting) is not allowing folks to take videos or daguerreotypes of his town hall meetings anymore. (ThinkProgress)

Now some may argue that he’s doing it to cover-up all that embarrassing yelling that naturally happens when regular folks hear just how stupid the ideas coming out of the Republican noise machine are these days. (DB)

‘Course, they’d be wrong. This very blog sent over our chief engraving artist to sketch a pic of what really happens at a Joe Heck town meeting.

Naturally the Congressman doesn’t want you to see him and his pals parading Representative Paul Ryan (R-Geezer Voucher) around sitting on a litter.

At least I think that’s Ryan they’re carrying around. Engravings sometimes are a little hard to make out.

And anyone who thinks they’ve seen seen this pic before on this or a similar blog, well, what can I say? The same people keep showing up to them meetings, I suppose.

Titillating Tales of John Ensign and the Senate Ethics Committee!

Nevada Scandalmonger — Sat, 21 May 2011 00:47:51 +0000

And I didn’t even have to make most of this up! (LVRJ,NYT,MsMag)

They No Like the Donuts

Nevada Scandalmonger — Fri, 20 May 2011 18:37:48 +0000

With apologies to ProgressNow Nevada, I borrowed a pic from their facebook page wherein we find putative Nevada Governor Brian Sandoval putting on a bored patronizing pose as he “converses” with students about shutting down their colleges and universities and/or forcing them to major in Gaming Studies or Advanced Hotel Maid and Laundering Services, the only two majors which will be available via Nevada “Higher” Ed.

Meanwhile students take the initiative and show the Gube the future of education in Nevada by erecting a prototype University based on the governor’s ideas for reforming education. Named “Sandoville”–shorthand for “Sandogibbonsville” no doubt–students erected a campus right there on the grounds of the Nevada Legislature. Sandogibbonsville features the latest classroom technologies of the 1800′s including: no central heating and no indoor plumbing. In fact it rather looks like a 19th century mining camp. Kudo’s to the kids for the nod to Nevada’s colorful past!

An added attraction to “SandoGibbons U” as I like to call it is the animatronics replica of the Gube created by computer engineering students to greet visitors to the campus. Singing to the tune “It’s a Small Budget After All,” the robogube warbles “No New Taxes After All!” incessantly until everyone starts feeling an urge to take a crowbar to the thing.

Bystanders were impressed at how lifelike the robogube seemed.

It’s Morning in Nevada, Again!

Nevada Scandalmonger — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 01:30:05 +0000

Rejoice, citizens of Nevadapotli! We have elected a governor/sun-god who is not only as ideologically pointless as Jim Gibbons but is as manipulatory as a Machiavellian monarch.

By Quetzalcoatl, fellow Nevadnoids, we’ve done the impossible! We’ve elected the one candidate who is worse than Gibbons: Governor Brian Sunny Sandovalnanahuatl, eater of hearts and state programs.

So, when are we gonna say, folks? When are we gonna say: Eat me, Brian!

Eat Me, Brian!

Meet Yucca Joe and Yucca Dean!

Nevada Scandalmonger — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 21:13:50 +0000

Nevada’s own homegrown teatards Dean Heller and Joe Heck were so hopped up to vote for the evisceration of just about every federal program that they overlooked a provision in the House budget that would keep Yucca Mountain alive despite the efforts of the Nevada delegation to kill it. (RJ)

No, wait. Dean Heller apparently went all out to prove just how ineffective a legislator he is by trying to convince his teabagger pals to cut Yucca, with the expected result that backbencher Dean was complete ignored.

All of which goes to prove that Heller is indeed a worthy replacement to John Ensign, if only he could man up and sexually abuse some of the staff.

The Benevolent Butcher

Nevada Scandalmonger — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 21:04:47 +0000

Well, there is one good thing about Governor Brian Sandoval’s idiotic “no new taxes” budget stance. It means I can just recycle all the Gibbons’ pics showing the Gibbers carrying sharp objects and slashing up Nevadoids.

Hey, I didn’t call Sandoval the “Benevolent Butcher” first. Some higher ed guy did. (Sun) He or she probably should have left out the “benevolent” part.

I do love to read how “popular” the new gube is in the RJ. The evidence? Two ladies wanting their picture taken with him. Scientific polling! I’m convinced.

I also love how the new Gube is complaining about a group of bidness folk and Democratic Legos meeting in a secret “Bat Cave.” All very interesting and scary until we learn that one of Sandoval’s own chief advisors has been going to the meetings:

Steve Hill, past chairman of the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce and, interestingly, also head of Sandoval’s economic development transition team. (Sun)

So, I suppose the Gube heard about the “secret” meetings from his own, go-to guy on the economy. In other words, the Gube has all but been sitting in on the “secret” meetings he’s complaining about.

Man, he seems to want one of those “Crazy Jim” awards pretty bad.

Area Grouch Invited to Gube Ball

Nevada Scandalmonger — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 22:39:45 +0000

The benefits of being a registered Republican never cease! Just lookee: I got an invite to the governator ball!

And, boy howdy, look at all the nice folks I’d get to hang out with!

Now we know why Sandoval couldn’t think of anybody to tax in that “interview” the other day when he said:

“A lot of folks have talked about the fact we need more taxes. The question that needs to be asked is who is going to pay them.” (RJ)

Looks to me like there’s a handy list on his fancy invite. Why, there’s Sheldon Adelson and the Sands Corporation, Barrick Gold, Steve Wynn, and a whole lot of folks who apparently can toss tens of thousands of dollars into the Gube election without batting an eye. Guess they must have a wad of cash they could toss in the state coffers, too.

Now, my problem with actually attending the gathering is that is costs $100 to get in and $1000 for the VIP treatment. Not only that, one has to wear “black tie”. Man, I don’t think I’ve ever worn “black tie” to anything. Heck, I might not even get to at my own funeral.

It just goes to show how gentrified Nevada is. There are the “haves,” who insist that they pay too much in taxes while sipping $1000 dollar a bottle champaign at fancy balls and making and breaking politicians. And then there are the rest of us feeling like we’ve been thrown under a bus just so the elites can have their parties.

It’s a good thing area schools don’t teach Rousseau or Marx, given those authors require minimal reading skills to comprehend. Otherwise the folks in the powered wigs would start getting nervous.